she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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