You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
