Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Houston, we have a squirter
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
