I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
