Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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