loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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