My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sext me about skeletons
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
