what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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