Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
