I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
