So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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