Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
