in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
