Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize