there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
