I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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