fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
