sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
