god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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