drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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