i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
