matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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