We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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