my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
