he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
