i think my tv is drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
