Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
