thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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