So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
