first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
