Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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