My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
