dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
