if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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