why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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