Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
