normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
