I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
