Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she pinky promised me she was 18
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
