i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
