honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
