Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
