Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
