I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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