sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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