broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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