I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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