based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
