so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
