Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
