i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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