So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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