So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
