when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize