They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
