I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You dont lie about slip and slides
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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