I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
