Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
