The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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