genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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