SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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