So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the condom got lost in my hair
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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