I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
