just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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